Please Help These Conservatives Who Wish They Were AOC

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Is there anything more embarrassing than a deeply uncool person trying to be cool? An old fart trying to be “down” with the “kids”? Your dad asking how to sign up for TikTok?

This is what’s happening to conservatives right now, and it is beautiful. Politico reported today that “many of President Donald Trump’s most media-conscious supporters” are feeling overshadowed by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her ability to “command mass attention.” They are also very stupid about it:

The president’s most media-savvy supporters recognize Ocasio-Cortez’s approach because it is so similar to Trump’s, a comparison they often make.

“Laughing at Trump, as the libs did, sure stopped him from being POTUS,” the far-right activist Mike Cernovich tweeted in November, adding, “Laughing at AOC, as the cons are doing now, sure is hurting her.”


People who compare AOC to Trump are like people who compared Bernie Sanders to Trump: dumb. Bad. Wrong. Needing a bop on the nose with a newspaper. Doesn’t make a bit of sense. If we’re going to say “able to get likes and retweets” is enough to warrant a comparison, I’m gonna go ahead and just churn out 50 articles like “Is AOC the Ariana Grande of Politics?” or “Did AOC Learn Her Epic Twitter Clapbacks From Cher?” and retire.

Not only are they regular dumb, they are “dumb guy pretending to be smart by referring to a book” dumb:

“I think her policies and everything are a disaster but I just look at her effectiveness,” Cernovich said, praising her as an exemplar of the 19th-century German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche’s concept of will to power. “No one’s more effective than her right now.”


Ya, sure buddy. Will to power. Yep. As you can see, AOC is an example of will to power because she ‘wants to do things’ and ‘does them.’ It’s all in there. (Also, why is Politico asking what Cernovich thinks at all?)

Perhaps saddest and funniest of all, though, are comments from Rep. Matt Gaetz, a horrible, racist piece of shit that commands attention in conservative circles by being a horrible racist piece of shit:

“I aspire to be the conservative AOC,” Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) told POLITICO. Gaetz, an outspoken 36-year-old in his second term who has achieved a measure of prominence as a highly visible Trump defender, said there’s just one problem with that aspiration: “I can’t dance for shit.”


Here is the thing, Matt, and all the other conservative saddos: It is not just a matter of doing good tweets and epic owns or going on Twitch streams. Rep. Ted Lieu frequently gets many retweets for his #resistance-bait tweets but he is not dominating or remaking the Democratic Party. Hillary Clinton frequently got many retweets. It is not about the retweets. The reason AOC commands so much media attention and has been able to move the conversation is that, in addition to being good at Twitter and sounding like a real person, she is saying things people like, like that we need Medicare for All or that billionaires are shit. You gotta have both. Yes, she is charismatic and good at clapbacks and knows how to phrase things to appeal to people, but that is not enough if what you are saying is like, “Native Americans sure are funny” or “I want to repeal Medicare” or “If you got an abortion you are going to jail and/or Hell.”

She has star power, yes. She’s good at dancing and she has that a smile that Matt Gaetz will never achieve without looking like he has wind. She also uses that sneaky trick of saying things that a vast majority of the country want and that other Democrats have mostly not been articulating for the last 30 years. It is not a combination of abilities available to conservatives.


Anyway, guys, you’re worrying about nothing. You already have a conservative star with internet skills, a youthful face, and a winning smile: