Reports: Everyone Hates Rudy

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Flesh-colored raisin Rudy Giuliani’s time as Donald Trump’s extremely public-facing personal attorney may be finally running out, following yet another round of disastrous media appearances on behalf of his increasingly unpopular client.


According to multiple reports over the past several days, many in the president’s inner circle have begun agitating for Trump to dump his frequently mumble-mouthed advocate, or at least pull him from speaking in front of a television camera.

Speaking with Vanity Fair’s Gabriel Sherman, two Republicans “briefed on the president’s thinking” claim that Trump is “furious” with Rudy after Giuliani’s hilariously inept interview with The New Yorker’s Isaac Chotiner on Monday. There, the president’s attorney rambled about having listened to the president’s “tapes” (hmm?), tried to walk back his claim that Trump had been working on plans to build a skyscraper in Moscow through November 2016 (Hmmm?), and worried that his gravestone will read “He lied for Trump.” HMMM?

“Trump is screaming. He’s so mad at Rudy,” one of Sherman’s sources said. Among those reportedly encouraging the president to send Rudy to a farm upstate are Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump.

That’s not the end of Rudy’s troubles, though. A second report, this one from the Associated Press, claims that some in the Trump camp are hoping at least to prevent Rudy from making TV appearances because they’re worried he’s been drunk while representing the president on camera.

This marks at least the second time Rudy’s alleged drinking has raised alarms in the White House—a spring 2018 report from MSNBC claimed Giuliani had been conspicuously passed over for an administration job over concerns that he was hitting the bottle a little too hard. In response, Rudy told Politico that “There’s no proof of any kind that I take too much alcohol. That’s ridiculous,” but also admitted that he couldn’t remember whether or not he’d been yucking it up at a cigar bar, as he’d been reported doing before he went on Sean Hannity’s show to make a complete ass of himself.

It’s hard to say whether this latest anti-Rudy push from within the Trump team will actually succeed in ousting the president’s jowliest advocate once and for all. Rudy’s been fucking up on Trump’s behalf for so long, it seems impossible to think of a world in which Giuliani wouldn’t be out there, rambling incoherently about Moscow or collusion or whatever other semi-coherent idea slogs its way across his increasingly unresponsive synaptic pathways.


Still, if Rudy does get the boot, it’ll be an awful lot of fun to watch.

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.