Eminem at the 2014 MTV Movie Awards. Getty Images

If you’re perusing Tinder and within 100 miles of Eminem, you might come across his profile. You might be tempted to swipe right. As a person who fantasized about hate-fucking him in high school, I sympathize. It’d be a good story, he has at least one diamond-encrusted cock ring, and that one sex scene in 8 Mile is kind of hot. But before you do, please be advised that he might:

On a positive note, he hates his Trump supporter fans; he’s sorry, Kim; and he has pledged to “aim his fist at the drywall” next time. Happy swiping!