Illustration: Jim Cooke

Imagine this: Sex? Or the City? You can’t have both and you have to choose.

This is a ridiculous premise, you might be thinking right now. Well too bad because you are reading this blog and now you have to decide. Sorry, it’s the law!!

Let’s define our terms. Sex for our purposes means any form of sexual activity, excluding masturbation. For The City we will defer to the Census Bureau’s definition of an “urbanized area,” which consists of 50,000 or more people (not to be confused with an “urban cluster” of at least 2,500 and less than 50,000 people).

If you choose sex, you can’t enter or live in a city—roughly the size of Binghamton or above—for the rest of your life. If you choose Binghamton or above, you can’t have sex for the rest of your life.

So which is it? SOTC?? Here are some answers from my GMG colleagues to help you out:

Katherine Krueger, Rafi Schwartz, Nona Willis Aronowitz, David Uberti, Isha Aran, Jorge Rivas, Aleks Chan, Brendan O’Connor, Jack Mirkinson, Molly Osberg, and Caitlin Schneider chose sex. Megan Reynolds wanted to clarify whether she would still have the internet to “order stuff” (yes), then said, “ok cool, so i choose sex.” FWIW, I also choose sex, because I’m not a nerd.

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Alex Pareene was “honest” and chose the city. Libby Watson also chose the city, saying, “i’d give up sex for proximity to restaurants.” Hamilton Nolan is on sabbatical, which is a cop out.

Emma Roller had an answer that was too long: I’ve been thinking about this question for the past 18 hours. After talking it over with my partner, I decided that the pleasures of “the city” — with all its neon lights and glittering pavement and rhinestone cowboys — would only last as long as a mason jar of cold brew or an $11 taco. And while I’m not a particularly promiscuous person, the idea of moving to the woods with a compatible group of friends (note: this is NOT a cult!!) and starting a goat farm/commune — maybe with some light swinging after chores are done — would be an ideal way to live out my days. I also would prefer not to have my genitalia cut off.

[N.B. choosing the city would not require cutting off genitalia, something I explained in detail to my colleagues]

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Katie McDonough: ok so you are asking me if i want to live in a fascist city that cuts off ppl’s genitals and polices their private behavior

or not

i will live outside the city then thank you

[N.B. choosing the city would not require cutting off genitalia, something I explained in detail to my colleagues]

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Barry Petchesky: this is a hard question, i admit! but i have never lived outside a city and don’t want to try

Okay, well what about you, where do you stand?