Sick Liberals Photoshop Brave Patriot's Face Onto a Saltine CRACKER and Lib University SHRUGS

Illustration for article titled Sick Liberals Photoshop Brave Patriots Face Onto a Saltine CRACKER and Lib University SHRUGS
Screenshot: Fox News

Boy, it just gets harder and harder to be a white man in this country, doesn’t it? The latest example: a vicious joke perpetrated against a college Republican at Wake Forest University. Steel yourself: This content may offend you.


In late 2016, after Ryan Wolfe participated in a panel put on by the college Republicans, he says a group of students handed him a box of saltine crackers. One student also skillfully photoshopped Wolfe’s face onto a cracker, which Fox News host Tucker Carlson helpfully displayed on his show Wednesday night, broadcasting the student’s apparent humiliation to the entire nation.


The university declined to pursue a “school judicial case” against the perpetrators of this definitely NOT funny joke, according to the Wake Forest Review, where Wolfe is somehow digital director and VP of operations despite the overwhelming conservative bias he’s confronted with every day on campus.

Carlson, making his trademark “watching two dogs in full 69 at a distance” face, listened intently as Wolfe claimed that Wake Forest Dean of Students Adam Goldstein told him that Donald Trump’s election “somehow justified” the cracker-bearing students’ behavior. Sounds right! Sounds just like a thing a real university dean would say, in those words. (When asked to clarify, Wolfe said the dean “doesn’t say things in short sentences like that, but from what I took away from that part of the conversation was that he was trying to justify their behavior because it was a response to the election of President Trump.”)

Wolfe also claimed the dean said he shouldn’t pursue a judicial case because it would make things worse for him. It’s hard to say whether things have gotten better or worse for Wolfe, who, on the one hand, is showcasing a photoshopped picture of himself as a goddamn cracker on national TV, but on the other hand, is at least on national TV.

He also brought up “a racial slur incident just a few weeks ago,” noting the perpetrating student left the school just days after the incident whereas his case took “several weeks” and eventually ended in the school declining to open a judicial case. Wolfe was careful to say he wasn’t equating these events while still managing to do just that. The incident he was almost surely referring to, from late January, was reported as follows by The News & Observer:

In the video, posted on social media during the weekend, a student reportedly used the N-word and an obscenity in referring to her African-American resident adviser. The video showed a woman saying, “Let me know why I’m hammered again tonight. It’s 2 o’clock ... I just called my black RA a fucking nigger. Let me know. Why did I do that?”


Hm, yes, I can see why you certainly wouldn’t want to look like you were comparing that incident to being handed a box of saltines, though it’s surprising you might bring it up if, in fact, you didn’t want to compare them.

Tucker, meanwhile, had no problem barreling down the Bad Comparison Highway in the car from Death Proof, pointing out that the dean “didn’t say in that case, ‘Well, Barack Obama was elected president nine years ago so it’s sort of understandable that people might do that.’” Yes, it would be the same to justify calling a black student the n-word because Obama was president; that is a very normal thing to think and say.


According to the Daily Caller, Wolfe was also called “mayonnaise monster lookin a**,” which I can only assume is intended to shield its readers from the heinous word “ass,” an insult reminiscent of one of the all time best tweets:


College Republicans are and always have been sniveling little shits, but my God, now they’re manufacturing national outrage about a box of saltines and Fox News will give them primetime space to talk about it. Welcome to the future of the Republican party.

Splinter politics writer.

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