Image via Classic Film/Flickr, art by Alex Alvarez/Fusion

Working on the Internet comes with a lot of perks like learning not to fear but instead yearn for death's eternal embrace, and also PR pitches for interesting and innovative products carefully targeted to our readers. One pitch we received is for an app called "SKINNEEPIX." Can you guess what it does?

Here's the skinny (chortle out loud!), from the PR email:

"Graduation time is among us and the selfie craze is on. Ellen DeGeneres snapped selfies at the Oscars and even Obama posed for one at Nelson Mandela's funeral but recently colleges have asked students to keep their cellphones at bay during graduation season this month but that hasn't stopped some from taking that pic.

Women spend an average of 55 minutes every day working on their appearance. That amounts to 335 hours every year or an entire two-week vacation according to the Real Body Image survey. The survey also found that 60 percent of adult women have negative thoughts about themselves weekly. But, in a world plagued with where first impressions mean everything it is not just women that are obsessed with their looks.

Selfies have become the catchall term for digital self-portraits abetted by the explosion of cellphone cameras and photo-editing and sharing services. Every major social media site is overflowing with millions of them. However, with most of us wanting to represent ourselves in the best light, most of us don't post selfies without the occasional edit."

Which is all to say: this app makes you look thinner in photos. "5, 10 or 15 pounds skinnier in two quick clicks," to be precise. It was created by two women who were tired of deleting selfies they found unflattering. It doesn't actually have anything to do with graduation, except that graduates are as good a demo as any.

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The app is ideal for those who wish to not only alter their appearance in a socially pleasing manner for the benefit of strangers, but to literally change the way they look. I'm on board. I am a woman and it takes me roughly 55 hours every morning to painstakingly shave off large chunks of my extremities so I can look thinner in photos. This app seems like it will save me time, peace of mind, and blood. In that spirit, here are some other photo apps I think we all need to download immediately (all linked to the app store for your convenience):

Fat Body Booth

Description: "Make your FACE and BODY fat with 'Fat Body Booth' app on your iPhone or iPod Touch. Immediately you can see that cute chubby look."

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Rating: 3 out of 5 Instagram pictures of sunsets. Taking points off because it's only limited to the face and body as a whole. I am looking specifically to isolate and chubbify just my earlobes and left kneecap for my promproposal selfie Vine.

iAugment

Description: Thinking about getting a breast augmentation? Don’t want to pay a ton of money for a professional virtual visualization?

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Rating: 2 out of 5 duckfaces. Why doesn't it let you place a giant boob elsewhere on your body.

Demon Photo

Description: "Take out your Demon Inside !!! Become a Demon !!!"

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 extraneous fingers Photoshopped out of an image. This looks great, but I'm concerned about my demon-fied photo not having a forked tongue or tertiary facial nipple. Seems inaccurate.

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Ugly Photobooth Free

Description: "Make you and your friends ugly by generating hilarious grotesque photos in real time!"

Rating: Zero out of 5 homebirth selfies labeled #NoMakeup. Unattainable standards.