Photo: Flickr

Time passes, technology advances, and next thing you know you have newspapers writing scaremongering stories about teens doing different drugs than last time. Are you worried about your teen’s vaping addiction? Try looking at it this way: who cares?

Let me sum up this Very Serious New York Times story headlined “Addicted to Vaped Nicotine, Teenagers Have No Clear Path to Quitting”—

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Blah blah, teens are vaping, there’s nicotine in that there vape juice, teens are addicted vaping nicotine, teens can’t quit vaping, parents of teens are worried that teens are addicted to vaping, teachers are worried that teens are addicted to vaping, teens are going in the bathroom to vape during class, nicotine gum doesn’t help teens stop vaping, vaping is affecting the prefrontal cortex of teens, nobody knows what to do, we must send our teens to therapy, for vaping.

Blah blah blah.

I know how you deal with teens vaping: don’t give a damn. So what—teens are vaping. It’s not crack. It’s not meth. It’s not molly. It’s not weed. It’s not even a damn cigarette. Why, WHEN I was a teen, we [long, nostalgic, boastful monologue thinly disguised as regret].

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All that vaping is helping keep teens in line. That’s good. They’ll figure out how to quit one day, if they want to. Or not. Either way—keeping teens in line is our top priority.

Relax. (And vape)