All the telltale signs are there: He stares at his phone all day; when you ask what he's looking at, he says you "wouldn't understand"; he takes frequent late-night trips "to the store" and returns sweaty, unkempt, and short of breath.
There's no avoiding the truth: Your man is addicted to Pokémon GO.
Does this sound familiar? Your sweet, doting partner could—like the insectoid Caterpie evolving into majestic Metapod—have transformed into a Pokémon GOBot before your very eyes.
Here are the warning signs:
1. He's taking inexplicably long walks.
Previously, your man would insist on taking the car to drive to your next-door neighbor's house, and would let out an audible groan when he had to walk all the way to the kitchen to grab a snack.
Now, he's bought a fresh pair of Merrills and canceled your Saturday date night in order to complete something called "the 13-mile Charizard loop."
He doesn't have the walking bug; he's addicted to Pokémon GO.
2. He bought an enormous portable charger.
Normally, your guy is never more than 4 feet from an outlet, because 99% of his waking hours are spent on a couch, or in a recliner, or on the toilet.
Now, he's researching the best Mophie packs on Wirecutter and dropping $97 on an industrial external battery that promises 48 hours of additional screen time.
He's not planning a hiking trip for the two of you; he's addicted to Pokémon GO.
3. He's mysteriously knowledgeable about your neighborhood.
Before, your man couldn't name any streets or landmarks besides the Starbucks on your corner; now, he name-drops the Armenian Heritage Museum and the local park's memorial statue for Oliver Wendell Holmes and the Eleanor Roosevelt Irrigation Plant.
The new sashimi place you read about in Eater? He knows where it is, and also whether it has a public restroom for non-customers.
He isn't taking an interest in local establishments; he's addicted to Pokémon GO.
4. His sleeping and exercise patterns are changing.
Does your guy wake up in the middle of the night, tossing an invisible object at the bedroom wall? Is he muttering in his sleep: "Weedill…Beedrill…NO MORE ZUBATS…"? Is he suddenly a morning person, rising before dawn to fetch the paper and take a quick jaunt around the neighborhood? Does he spend a lot of time at "the gym," even though he doesn't lift weights?
He isn't maturing into a respectable adult; he's addicted to Pokémon GO.
5. His calendar is suddenly full.
Your dude never used to be busy; now, he's meeting an old college friend for drinks after work, and has a "networking thing" later. Suddenly, he's wall-to-wall booked with coffees and birthday parties and brunch catch-ups, and he's thinking of going to a poetry reading across town, too.
He isn't reconnecting with long-lost pals; he's addicted to Pokémon GO.
6. He's weirdly picky about your date locations.
Usually, your dude is pretty easygoing about where you eat dinner. But suddenly, he won't go to your favorite Italian place because the location "isn't fruitful" for him, and he doesn't want to go to the movies because he "doesn't want to spend 2 hours away from the action."
He isn't refining his tastes; he's addicted to Pokémon GO.
Like Candy Crush, Farmville, and Dr. Mario before it, Pokémon GO is an appealing video game whose time shall pass. Your significant other's addiction will fade, and he will return to the sedentary, incurious blob he once was.
Until then: Let your man catch 'em all! At least he's not addicted to something truly unforgivable—like Crossfit.