Photo: Getty Images

On Tuesday night, the White House announced the latest addition to its terrifyingly incompetent and unstable squad: a young woman named Caroline Sunshine would be joining as a press assistant. Altogether now: Who?

I’m so glad we asked. Sunshine is best known for her performance as European exchange student Tinka Hessenheffer in Shake It Up, a show that I know nothing about except that it starred Zendaya and Bella Thorne and that the name of almost every single episode ended with “it up.”

The Disney star studied international relations and economics at Claremont McKenna College, was a White House intern, and according to a White House spokesperson, via Variety:

[S]he was involved with the American Enterprise Institute and an active member of her school’s Model United Nations team. Prior to her internship at the White House, Caroline interned for the Office of House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, the College Republican National Committee, and the California Republican Party.

Technically, Sunshine is more qualified for her job than the vast majority of the current White House staff—we’ll just have to wait and see how well she can support the team while they literally lie to the American public, deflect any kind of transparency, and protect a xenophobic wannabe strongman.

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Still, I don’t know a lot about Caroline Sunshine aside from the fact that she also starred in the live-action Marmaduke movie starring Owen Wilson and Fergie. So here are some things I found out about Sunshine after a scroll through her somewhat sparse and extremely bland social media accounts that have been left largely untouched since mid-2017.

Her Twitter consists of retweeting AEI and sports Twitter, congratulating new American citizens, commentating on The Bachelorette, and expressing general patriotism, especially on the Fourth of July. There’s also stuff like this:

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Haha!

Meanwhile on Instagram, aside from some posts insisting she has fun without alcohol, in fact she doesn’t even like the taste of it, it’s stuff like this:

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Haha, Sunshine is no criminal! This is just a promo pic for a Lifetime movie she starred in called Mommy I Didn’t Do It.

She reads Dr. Seuss! She voted! And as the comments flooding this particular photo point out, we definitely know who she voted for!

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Here, Sunshine congratulates someone for graduating while inexplicably recreating a moment from her former employer’s film Mulan. And below, her model UN award! Maybe she can bring some of that decolonizing spirit to the White House, amirite?

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Here is a song she sang for Shake It Up. It hit #27 on iTunes!

Just when I thought things couldn’t get more boring, a twist appeared: Interestingly enough, one of Sunshine’s most recent Facebook posts is from February 2016, when she shared a video she starred in from a certain media company known as...Fusion (now known as Splinter!). The clip was part of our #DearNextPresident series, where we asked celebrities you might know (like Salma Hayek, Kristen Bell, and Rachel Bilson) and celebrities you definitely do not know (like Caroline Sunshine) to send a message to the winner of the 2016 election.

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In the video, Sunshine says that she hopes the future president “will carry out Alexander Hamilton’s founding vision of a decisive, effective, and energetic executive.” She also advised said next president to:

Lead by example, teach us to be responsible with money, help us to take care of our elders and others in need. Stand up to the bullies at home and abroad. Encourage us to be logical, independent thinkers.

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As you can see, our own caption for the video suggested that “we should just let Caroline Sunshine run the country,” but I suppose not only were we naively expecting a different outcome for the election, but we also didn’t think Sunshine would actually try to run the damn country by joining one of the most chaotic, openly white supremacist, and generally devastating administrations America has ever seen. Oops!