Because we are committed to the truth above all else here at Splinter, I must report that Meghan McCain thoroughly got the better of Beto O’Rourke on The View today. Even stopped clocks, right?

The only political news today (not kidding): The O’Rourke family turtle, once lost, is now found. More good news: The family dog, suspect in his disappearance, has been FULLY EXONERATED. Get a little GPS tracker on that little guy!!