“2018 was the first that a 60-40 portfolio,” the sort of cheap and simple portfolio an average investor like you might have, “outpaced all Ivy [League] endowments in terms of 10-year performance.” All of Harvard’s brilliant investment managers are a mathematically certified waste of space.

U.S. stocks are near all-time highs while the OECD predicts the weakest growth in a decade and financial officers expect a recession next year and one of the world’s top investors has “sounded the alarm about the state of the world’s economy.” DON’T worry—stress is the real killer.

Forty years ago today, BusinessWeek ran a famous cover story declaring “The Death of Equities.” Since then, equities have risen by 7,000%. That’s “kind of embarrassing,” the magazine admits. Points for honesty.

Uber, a machine for using investment money to artificially subsidize car rides, lost more than $5 billion last quarter. Heh. It’s gonna crash and burn before it destroys public transportation after all! Calling it now. Invest in buses.

New research shows that being bought by private equity firms raises a large public company’s probability of bankruptcy by 1000%. Best of luck to our friends at Univision.

Thanks to persistent low unemployment, labor’s share of income, which has been declining for decades due to capital’s victorious class war, could finally be set to rise—“and that could spell trouble for corporate profit margins and the share prices that are ultimately dependent on them.” GOOD.

This Wall Street Journal story about the gilded underworld of “site selectors,” the consultants who help corporations milk state and local governments for subsidies, is an excellent demonstration of why the entire practice should be illegal.