How do you do, fellow kids? In this analogy, I equate myself with an army of reanimated ice corpses to celebrate a needless exacerbation of tensions with Iran. MAGA!

On Wednesday, President Donald Trump shared what just might be the most nakedly racist, fear-mongering, xenophobic “campaign” “ad” in the history of the White House.

Hurricane Florence is expected to make landfall on the Carolina coast on Thursday, and President Donald Trump has decided to fight fire with fire, combatting the oncoming storm with the most powerful weapon in his arsenal: An unhinged (tweet) storm of his own.

In a moment he’s almost certainly been waiting for since this past February, President Donald Trump leapt on the last night’s NFL pre-season protests, where players from teams across the league knelt, raised their fists, or simply didn’t appear on field for the singing of the National Anthem.

Fridays, right folks? Everyone’s just dragging ass to make it to the weekend relatively unscathed. As it turns out, that includes the President of the “United Sates” [sic] and his crack squad of social media ninjas, who appear to be phoning it the hell in today.

President Donald Trump appeared to announce an impending war through Twitter on Wednesday, tweeting directly to Russia that American missiles “will be coming” to Syria following a suspected chemical attack, despite any Russian efforts to shoot them down.

On Thursday morning, Donald Trump claimed, falsely, that he’d never said he wanted to “give teachers guns” as a deterrent against future mass shooters. He then launched into a tweetstorm insisting that the only way to deter future mass shooters is to give teachers guns.

Donald Trump’s long-promised “big beautiful wall” is set to do more than just separate the United States from Mexico. It now seems to be coming between Trump and his fellow anti-immigrant racist, Chief of Staff John Kelly.