Ted Cruz Admits to Savoring the Taste of Human Flesh As a Joke, I Guess

Photo: Alex Brandon (AP)

I try not to judge people for their bizarre and frequently incorrect food opinions. If my Splinter colleague Hamilton Nolan wants to do weird shit with peanut butter, what do I care? What people put in their mouths is usually none of my concern.

Having said that, I’m afraid Texas Sen. and accused Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz crossed the line yesterday. I say to you all, here and now, that eating children is a bad thing. Condemn me if you must, but I will not budge from this.

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Savoring the flesh of a human child, Mr. Senator? Frankly, I’m against it.

Perhaps Cruz was simply trying to prove he’s NOT bound by his programming and is in fact able to use what we humans call “humor.” I doubt it, though. I take the man at his word. We must call on Cruz’s Republican colleagues—and his friends across the aisle—to come together to say with one voice: cannibalism? NOT normal and not OK.

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About the author

Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.