The Corey Lewandowski Hearing Is Already an Absolute Disaster

Screenshot: C-SPAN

On Tuesday, the House Judiciary Committee held a hearing on what it dryly termed “Presidential Obstruction of Justice and Abuse of Power,” but which is in essence the start of a long-awaited congressional impeachment proceeding against Donald Trump.

The star witness for the day was none other than former Trump campaign chief and world-class asshole Corey Lewandowski, who arrived at the hearing under the protective supposed blanket of executive privilege, granted to him by a White House in which he never even worked. Fucked up? You bet! The whole thing descended into madness and farce in about three seconds.

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First off, there was the Republican ranking committee member, Doug Collins who, in a legislature full of buffoons, narcissists, gremlins, and dimwits, stands out for his unparalleled ability to be the absolute worst of them all.

Here is Collins ranting like the Micro Machines guy on crystal meth for seven straight minutes of deranged opening remarks.

I’d like to call your attention to this exact quote from Collins, who, again, is a high -anking elected official:

The old rules are the new rules, the new rules are the old rules, THese were new...these were rulesthawerheeawwaalll!

(For clarity, the last word sounded kind of like “rules that were here all along.” Kind of.)

I wish I could say things got better after that. They did not. Instead, Lewandowski spent his opening minutes Dear Leader-ing the president, while exuding the strongest “cop who has no time for your excuses” vibes I’ve seen outside of an unwarranted traffic stop.

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Of course, it worked like a charm:

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Things got even worse once the committee began its questions to Lewandowski, who put demonstrated over and over why he’s such an in-demand piece of shit among Republican circles by stalling, trolling, and outright refusing to answer even the most basic questions put to him by the Democrats.

Lewandowski even pulled out the “I forgot to bring the required reading” trick, like a 8th grader who knows his book report is total garbage.

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Is he a garbage human? Oh yes he sure is.

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Lewandowski’s stalling tactics were backed up by Collins himself, who seemed just fine wasting everyone’s time with inane parliamentary maneuvering that served no purpose other than to prove that he is a huge dick.

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As I write this, the hearing continues to drag on like the world’s worst parent teacher conference. 

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About the author

Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.