The Dicks Who Run LA Weekly Now Don't Understand Why You're All Mad at Them 

Hello freelancers! The new owners of LA Weekly want you to know that they won’t bite—and they might even pay you for your work!

An email sent by the paper’s management to former contributors in recent days attempts to correct some of the “false” (also known in reality as “true”) information out there about how the Weekly was purchased by a shadowy company that immediately gutted the unionized newsroom:

We’re aware of the backlash in the media surrounding the sale of the LA Weekly, and of the many rumors flying around. To clarify a few things:

Some of the investors in Semanal Media, the new ownership group, are indeed contributors to Republican candidates, Democrats, libertarians and even — gasp! — real estate developers. But their purchase of the Weekly was not motivated by any political agenda, and no shift in editorial direction is planned.

See? Just a few real estate developers and other rich guys who happened to keep their identities secret until after they fired nine of the publication’s 13 editorial staffers, plus a few business-side folks. Who could be mad about that? Brian Calle, the new operations manager, also assured everyone as much in a post that finally identified the ownership group last week, so there’s no reason to worry.

“There is a lot of talk about who owns LA Weekly,” Calle wrote. “We’ve seen all the speculation. Is it a Russian oligarch? Is it some Trumpista? Is it Lord Voldemort?”

A Harry Potter joke! Harmless. I can’t imagine why anyone would be freaking out.

Read the full email—signed by two of the publication’s remaining editors, whom I sincerely wish the best—below:

Update, 6:25 p.m: One of the two aforementioned editors, Hillel Aron, told Spin his name was added to the email without his knowledge. Calle’s assistant responded that Aron’s name was added in a “mix-up.” Welp.