The Goblin Shark, More Weird Sharks, and Their Celeb Lookalikes

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After the recent catching of only the second goblin shark recorded in the Gulf of Mexico and the first after 2000, we wonder if the spectacle and praise by media and revelers alike is a damaging psychology to the future of sharks," says David Shiffman, a marine biologist studying sharks at the University of Miami. "By far the largest threat facing sharks is commercial overfishing. Scientists have documented population declines of 90% or more in some species of sharks since the 1970's. However, for particularly threatened sharks, trophy fishing can be a significant threat."

On a lighter note, this Friday is a holiday to take a bite out of! We’re celebrating “Fintastic Friday: Giving Sharks A Voice” day in honor of our razor-sharp, deep sea friends.


Image via Disney/Pixar

As afraid as we are of these majestic and powerful creatures, the biggest myth is that they’re always hungry for human flesh. “Many people believe sharks are mindless killing machines,” says Shiffman. “Hundreds of millions of people go swimming or surfing each year, most of them are near one or more sharks without even knowing it, and fewer than 100 are bitten. More people are bitten by other people in New York City each year than are bitten by sharks in the whole world.”


Which makes total sense if you’ve ever tried cutting an abuela in line at the pincho stand during the Puerto Rican Day parade. Never again!

There’s only a one in 3.8 million chance of being killed by a shark, but if that’s not comforting enough for you Shiffman recommends swimming “with a group of people during the day away from river mouths.” Or we suggest not going in at all.


Speaking of mouths, this underwater holiday is all about giving sharks a voice, so here is what some of the weirdest species of sharks would say if they could talk paired with their celebrity human forms.

Whorl Shark


Images via Wikipedia/Getty Images

Doppelganger: Miley Cyrus

Slogan: "My teeth are about as straight as Clay Aiken."



Images via Wikipedia/Lionsgate

Doppelganger: Leatherface

Slogan: "You know that 'tree that fell in the forest that did make a sound'? I chopped that b-tch down."


Frilled Shark


Images via Getty Images

Doppelganger: Rachel Dratch

Slogan: "That penis joke was SOOOO original."

Basking Shark


Images via Wikipedia/Getty Images

Doppelganger: Julia Roberts

Slogan: "I have permanent Taylor Swift face."


Image via Late Show with David Letterman

Goblin Shark


Images via Wikipedia/Warner Bros.

Doppelganger: "Sloth" from The Goonies

Slogan: "I've only been baited by a man twice. Lindsay Lohan is in double digits."




Images by Getty Images

Doppelganger: Gary Busey

Slogan: "Am I still alive or not? I'm the Tupac of the sea."

Could the largest shark the marine world has ever known still be alive? "There is absolutely no doubt whatsoever that megalodon is extinct, and went extinct more than 2 million years ago," assures Shiffman. "If there was a 50 foot long predatory shark that lived in shallow coastal waters, someone in the history of human civilization would have probably noticed by now. Shark Week lied."


Maybe Jaws shot him in an Atlantic vs Pacific Ocean swim-by.

Also, another odd-looking shark known as a Megamouth was caught off the coast of Japan this week. Check out the video below: