Monkey: Flickr Commons/Dave Stokes; Photoillustration: Adam Weinstein

What are we reading this morning? Take a look for yourself. Here's a link dump to go with that cup o' joe:

  1. These are the 33 whitest professions in America. Surprisingly, “cop/police officer” doesn’t make the list (cue: NWA circa 1988).
  2. Remember how two days ago we told you about the man who was pulled over by the cops and forced to have a rectal exam because the police thought he was hiding drugs in his anus? It happened again, and yes, the same police department and hospital were involved.
  3. This story is informative, a fun read, and most importantly appeals to our fifth-grade sensibilities: 5 unexpected ways animals use their genitals.
  4. A European satellite will fall somewhere on Earth in the next few days and scientists don’t know where it’ll impact. This isn’t scary at all.
  5. Divorced couple face off against each other in a political election. The woman won.
  6. We live in post-racial America? Right. 19-year-old black woman killed after being shot in the head while asking for help.
  7. These pictures of abandoned toy factories could pass as sets from Blade Runner.
  8. Speaking of factories, a Chinese prison camp laborer sends letter asking for help inside of a plastic Halloween pumpkin decoration.
  9. Jersey man faces weapon charges after he walked into a mall shooting with his own gun. He claims he just wanted to help police.
  10. New study suggests that the happiest married couples are the ones in which the woman is the first to calm down from an argument.
  11. If you’re fascinated/curious about Bitcoins (which you should be), here’s a great chronicle of the rise and fall of the world’s largest Bitcoin exchange.
  12. Swiss study highly suggests that former Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat may have been poisoned to death.
  13. Chinese man sues wife for rearing ugly baby. He won.
  14. How much is your call data worth? AT&T says $10 million. That’s the amount they’re allegedly receiving annually from the CIA for it.

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Adam Weinstein was Fusion's senior editor in charge of digital investigations. He has also worked for Gawker, Mother Jones, and the Wall Street Journal.