The Thirst for Amazon's HQ2 Is Back and Bleak as Ever

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If you run a city and have a couple billion laying around—hell, even if you don’t—chances are good that you’re currently trying to throw that cash at another giant pile of cash, all in the name of good business.


On Friday, the Washington Post reported Amazon is reconsidering its HQ2 location in New York after vocal criticism by federal lawmakers like Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, state legislators, and local Queens residents irate about the state’s plan to set ablaze nearly $3 billion in tax incentives meant to woo the company to the Big Apple.

It’s been said before, but the years-long HQ2 sweepstakes that predictably ended with New York City and DC-adjacent Crystal City, VA, being selected as Amazon’s new headquarters locations was an idiotic, shameless display of corporate welfare being turned into a national game show.

Really, it was nothing but sick test—a barometer for Amazon and the other monopoly hopefuls to measure just how far local governments would be willing to go to score Big Business. Seeing as cities and states simultaneously tap danced and bent over backwards in hopes that the richest man on Earth would pick their city, it’s safe to say that the results were exactly what Amazon hoped for.

So, with Amazon reportedly cooling on NYC, here’s a quick rundown of the idiots that clearly didn’t learn jack shit the first time around and have decided to debase themselves yet again:

New York’s top brass, Gov. Andrew Cuomo and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, have stood firmly in support of the tax breaks. Cuomo said those trying to derail the deal were guilty of “governmental malpractice” on Friday. He then admitted in a radio interview on Tuesday that the talk of Amazon taking its headquarters to another location was a serious possibility. Howard Zemsky, Cuomo’s top economic advisor, supported the Amazon tax breaks when he faced questions about the deal from the New York state legislature on Tuesday. During the hearing, the state senators revealed that they’re largely in the dark on whether or not the incentives are set in stone.

If public officials keep this shit up, this game of corporate welfare is going to repeat itself every single time a Fortune 500 company wants to relocate somewhere with lower, or nonexistent, corporate taxes, until state and city government cities collapse and are replaced by an Ambulnz-driven hellscape.


There’s only one way to win the game, and that’s not to play at all. Until these idiots figure that out, or until they get voted out and replaced by people who get it, you’re better off burning your tax dollars yourself.