The White House's Post-Mueller Victory Lap is Gonna Make Me Barf

Screenshot: Fox News (Twitter)

Now that Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report is finally finished, and allegedly gives President Donald Trump a relatively—albeit not entirely—clean slate moving forward, the White House and its allies spent Monday morning flooding the airwaves with the sort of jubilant victory lap we haven’t seen since Trump won the presidency in 2016.

On NBC’s Today show, press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders insisted that “Democrats and the liberal media owe the president and they owe the American people an apology,” and claimed that, despite the past two years of direct attacks from the president, Trump owed Mueller absolutely no apologies.

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Sarah’s dad, meanwhile, was on Fox News, calling for a new round of investigations against anyone in the Justice Department who “conspired” against the president. Also, since the 2016 election happened while Barack Obama was still president, maybe this is all his fault, too.

Trump’s personal attorney Rudy Giuliani also joined the Fox News fun by paradoxically insisting that Mueller was both “an honest man” who nevertheless desperately tried to frame the president.

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Kellyanne Conway, fresh off defending the president for destroying her marriage, also called for a new round of investigations against Democrats, and demanded that House Intelligence Committee Chair Adam Schiff resign.

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The president, meanwhile, has said that the Mueller report was a “total exoneration” of any allegations of wrongdoing, despite the fact that his own attorney general, in his letter to Congress, quoted Mueller as saying “while this report does not conclude that the President committed a crime, it also does not exonerate him.”

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Have a great week, everyone.

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About the author

Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.