New Year's is a terrible holiday that makes people anxious about what they're doing with their lives and their evenings. Nonetheless, it stubbornly persists, and so does the tradition of smooching someone special, or just present and consenting, at the moment the calendar adds a new digit or two and continues towards our eventual deaths.
Of course, if you have no human to kiss, you can always plan to kiss a dog. And thanks to social media, you can tell the world about it. These people certainly did:
And while the above have just cried to the universe that "I will kiss a non-human creature that feels affection for me," there is the rare soul who tried to be more forthright, making the probable subtext of most of these tweets explicit.
While others have found new spins on the situation. Putting it to a vote, for instance:
Or just really embracing the choice:
Or even bemoaning the lack of a dog to kiss.
There's also this dude, who say's he plans to kiss his mom's dog, which raises a whole host of questions about the responsibilities of dog ownership.
Then there are people who've (generally to their own chagrin) made a habit of dog-kissing on New Year's eve.
But my personal favorite is this lady (or whomever she's quoting), who went real dark, real quick:
Congratulations to you, ma'am, you have embraced the true spirit of New Year' Eve: very little change accompanied by a slow and inevitable march towards death.
Ethan Chiel is a reporter for Fusion, writing mostly about the internet and technology. You can (and should) email him at email@example.com