You may remember meal replacement beverage Soylent from previous dispatches out of the cyberpunk dystopia we all currently live in. The flavorless nutrition gunk comes in both powder and pre-mixed liquid varieties and its makers claim it can replace a meal with a single 400-calorie glass.
But food was just an opening act. Now Soylent is coming for your morning coffee too.
The company announced a new addition to its line of powders and elixirs on Tuesday: Coffiest. You get the same 400 calories of liquid nutrition as regular Soylent, but now with added coffee flavor and caffeine. Soylent fans no longer have to consume two different liquids upon waking in the morning. All is now united in a single plastic bottle. One flesh, one bone, one true religion.
The company's YouTube video announcing the product has 100 percent more dudes pretending to be chickens than I expected.
Apparently there is a vast, untapped market for drinkable caffeine paste, as Soylent's website is being hammered into inoperability by eager fans trying to sign up and purchase a box (the smallest possible one-time shipment is 12 bottles for $39).
I know this because I'm one of them. I may have a love-hate relationship with the product, but I'm actually a longtime Soylent consumer and I've been trying to put in an order for the last 90 minutes, unsuccessfully. I keep getting error messages before I can reach the checkout.
A quick scan of social media reveals I'm not the only soy boy having troubles.
What Soylent is selling has a powerful appeal: the idea of a seamless morning where you go from inactive to active without a hitch. What carbon-based life-form hasn't desired this? I would (and will if there website ever works) pay $39 for a shot at that, although I doubt their sales pitch and my hopes will be fulfilled.
In the meantime, if Soylent's website doesn't come back online soon, there are alternatives to consider.