Did you hear Donald Trump was desperate for top celebrities to attend or perform at his inauguration? You did? Who told you that? The media!? You should know better by now then to trust that sorry lot. Quite the opposite is true. After a lifetime spent schmoozing with the world's most famous, Trump has sworn off celebrities (on Twitter, of course).
So all the reports are wrong. Donald Trump doesn't want any celebs at his inauguration. In fact, there are so many celebrities he doesn't want to attend, we made a list of those who, despite anything else you may have heard, had better make other plans that day.
1. Elton John
Back in November, a member of Trump's transition team hinted that they were looking at Elton John for a possible inauguration performer. Well, "hint" may be underselling their enthusiasm.
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"Elton John is going to be doing our concert on the Mall for the inauguration," Anthony Scaramucci said.
A spokesman for John "categorically denied" this report to the BBC, but it doesn't matter now because Trump never wanted him anyway.
2. Andrea Bocelli
An opera singer who is primarily known for a song titled "Time to Say Goodbye" in English seems like the perfect pick to perform at an inauguration, right? And Bocelli met with Trump met before later saying he wouldn't perform.
That meeting was probably just so Trump could tell him to take a hike.
A lot of people talk about bringing back the Reagan years, but Trump was the only one reaching out to a band whose popularity peaked during them. Or at least he was, at one point, according to Gene Simmons, who also told TMZ that he declined the invite.
Thanks to Trump's tweet we now know the invite was probably just an invitation to get lost, buddy. Only regular folks at this inauguration.
4. Celine Dion
Friend of the Trump family and Las Vegas hotel magnate Steve Wynn reportedly sought out Celine Dion to perform, despite the fact that she is a Canadian.
Yet another Trump surrogate screw-up, but don't expect a Gingrich-style apology. A spokesperson for Wynn denied he had been asked to find any performers, much in the way Trump is now denying he ever wanted any celebrities at his inauguration in the first place.
5. Garth Brooks
Garth Brooks was interested in an inauguration gig at one point, with Reuters reporting in early December that he was in talks to perform. But now The Wrap is citing an anonymous source as saying Brooks has backed out of the show.
Good. Even though he has performed for every living president, Trump doesn't want him.
6. Kid Rock, Ted Nugent
These two rockers have been mentioned in countless articles speculating about the musical lineup for Trump's big day.
This speculation goes back for about as long as there has been speculation about Trump's inauguration, which is to say six weeks. That's plenty of time to have inked a deal and set things in motion. And yet they both remain conspicuously absent from publicly announced plans.
These are two celebs Trump could easily have perform. But all joking aside, he really does not seem to want them.
7. Alec Baldwin, John Legend, Bruce Springsteen, Sting, Common, the cast of Hamilton, Lady Gaga, Paul McCartney, Madonna, Bruno Mars, Willie Nelson, Bonnie Rait, Alicia Keys, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Dave Matthews, Killer Mike, Reggie Watts, Pharrell Williams, Sufjan Stevens, John Mayer, The Jazz Mafia, Harry Belafonte, Herbie Hancock, Paul Simon.
Someone on Twitter photoshopped all of these names onto a poster for a hypothetical concert that doesn't exist taking place on Inauguration Day. I can't stress enough that the poster is not real and the concert, as of now, is also not real. Do not @ me about this fake concert.
I only include it because it's an excellent list, all in one place, of all the celebrities Donald Trump does not want coming to his inauguration. See ya later. Enjoy your fake concert!