Domino's now sells sriracha pizza, which—in and of itself—isn't terribly groundbreaking news. After all, Pizza Hut has already made far stranger contributions to life's rich crust tapestry, pioneering authentic Italian dishes like hot dog pizza, fish and chips pizza, and wearable fitness-tracker pizza (not yet, but mark our words: soon).
But it's the ad for spicy Domino's Sriracha—which has appeared in print in Israel—that got our attention. Depicting a leather-clad tongue, restrained and gagged, it puts the B-D-S-M in P-I-Z-Z-A.
The association of fast food and sex isn't exactly new: take Carl's Jr., a production company that churns out model-starring softcore commercials and also happens to sell burgers in its spare time. On the one hand, maybe any mainstream portrayal of alternative sexual practices—be it totally cartoonish, and be it almost definitely a boring takeoff on the upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey movie—is something to be cheered by open-minded pizza consumers.
On the other hand, yikes. Tongues may be instrumental in the eating of food, but they are not something that you, or I, or anyone should think too hard about while doing so, because they are gross. That this particular tongue is distinctly sweaty, covered in welts, and bafflingly equipped with tongue-arms, tongue-fingers and even a tiny tongue-mouth of its own doesn't help.
We'll pass, Domino's, and continue to dump sriracha all over regular pizzas in the comfort of our own homes, as is tradition.
[h/t Ned Raggett]
Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion's Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.