This is what happens when sex toys go wrong

Looking to have a little extra-sexy fun this Valentine’s Day? Proceed with caution, lest a vibrator or penis pump land you in the hospital like these poor souls.

The Washington Post reported Tuesday that sex-toy injuries have doubled since 2007—and surged since the 2011 publication of E.L. James pop-erotica bestseller Fifty Shades of you-know-what.

What, exactly, does a sex-toy injury entail? Well, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission—which tracks hospital visits associated with various consumer products (including sexual ones)—83 percent of sex-toy-related injuries required “foreign body removals.”

In other words, toys got stuck in terrifying places, and an ER doctor had to be called in to remove them.

The Washington Post called the erotic mishaps “graphic” and “R-rated” and thus kept the descriptions out. So naturally, we looked them up. Here’s a glimpse of what happens when sex toys go wrong:

• 37-year-old female having sex two hours ago, having dildo inserted into rectum can’t get it out.
• 43-year-old male had a woman place a thin vibrating tube into urethra during sex and got it stuck. Foreign body in penis.
• 24-year-old female has a small finger vibrator stuck in vagina—it’s still on.
• 22-year-old female has a foreign body stuck in her vagina: “orgasm balls.”
• 18-year-old female was having sex with her boyfriend and using a vibrator. A piece of it slipped off and is stuck in vagina.
• 49-year-old male inserted a sexual device into rectum when wire broke. He is unable to retrieve it.
• 48-year-old female, having sex with her partner, had what amounted to a cock ring that became dislodged and remained in vagina.
• 24-year-old in care of her boyfriend, lost a vibrator in her rectum.
• 36-year-old male used a penis pump and got it stick on his penis.
• 27-year-old female has a piece of sex toy stuck in her vagina for three days. Was unable to retrieve it.

Descriptions were pulled from data collected between 2011 to 2013 by the Consumer Product Safety Commission.

Taryn Hillin is Fusion’s love and sex writer, with a large focus on the science of relationships. She also loves dogs, Bourbon barrel-aged beers and popcorn — not necessarily in that order.