This out-of-commission sludge tanker could have been the home of your dreams

While the rent in Brooklyn might be too damn high, it’s not like the selling prices are all that affordable either. But I think I’ve stumbled upon the hottest new piece of real estate the borough has to offer:

This out-of-commission sludge tanker.

Let me explain.

The average sale price in Brooklyn topped out at nearly $750k for the first quarter of 2015, a 10 percent increase from a year ago, and that trend is likely to continue climbing upward as time goes on.

This 300-foot-long tanker, however, could have been yours for a third of that average home sale price. The New York City Department of Citywide Administration Services tried to auction off the ship in the Brooklyn Navy Yard with an opening bid of $235k. Zero bids were placed, and the auction closed last week.

True, the vessel — christened the Newtown Creek — spent the better part of the past five decades transporting millions of gallons of sludge to and from various wastewater treatment plants. And yes, it’s still got a bit of that “feculent odor” leftover, according to the New York Times‘ Corey Kilgannon.

But by the looks of this video tour on YouTube, the Newtown Creek has everything the average Brooklyn homebuyer could ask for.

Waterfront views!

An open-concept floor plan!

Original finishes!

Four bedrooms!

A separate kitchen and dining area!

I mean galley!

A walk-in pantry!

And plenty of outdoor space in the ~~back~~ stern!

The only problem? It’s not zoned for residential use.

While a higher up from the city’s Department of Environmental Protection told the Times that the vessel is “well maintained,” try telling that to the Department of City Planning.

I reached out to the DCP about the possibility of rezoning the Newtown Creek for residential use, but had yet to hear back at press time. Even if you were able to rezone the 48-year-old tanker, you’d have to then maneuver your way around the city’s strict rules regarding houseboats.

Still, a New Yorker who doesn’t have millions of dollars lying around for a downpayment can dream.