Wikipedia user RHorning https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Duct-tape_Moving_Van.jpg

The utilities are all canceled, the landlord's done a final walk-through, and the moving van is packed. All that's left is to write a lengthy essay about why you're leaving town.

Relax, the internet's got you covered.

Internet artist Darius Kazemi created a webapp called "Leaving Everywhere" that generates a lengthy moving announcement suitable for a blog post or Facebook update. The webpage chooses two random cities and uses data from the 2013 American Community Survey to justify moving from one to the other.

When I loaded the page, it generated a seven-paragraph article on why I was moving from Santa Ana, Calif., to Wichita, Kan., for a more sustainable lifestyle:

Did you know that the median age of men is 28.8? And according to the 2013 American Community Survey conducted by the US Census Bureau, 0.17% of people speak Korean in this town. I don't understand how anyone can deal with this situation. And according to the 2013 American Community Survey conducted by the US Census Bureau, the number of Hispanic-designated people living in poverty is 59,790. I can't even believe I'm writing this.

I mean, look, I still love this place. Sometimes. For example, there are 20,155 male factory, transit, or transportation workers in this town. The people of Santa Ana should be commended for that.

Advertisement

So, I'm moving away from Santa Ana because not enough people speak Korean, but I'm still proud of how many male workers there are in the town? OK, sure.

A button on the page instantly refreshes with a new combination of cities, but it's still completely random. The closest I've gotten to my life so far was a moving-out essay about leaving Jersey City for Akron, Ohio, because there weren't enough women in management positions at local companies.

That's a better justification than most.