Last night I dreamt that somebody-specifically the former lead singer of seminal band the Smiths-—had joined Twitter. Today, I woke up with news that charming man Morrissey had indeed done so.
The Twittersphere has of course been oscillating wildly with excitement. Moz, as he’s affectionately called by his fans, has already amassed more than 125,000 followers.
Hello. Testing, 1, 2, 3. Planet Earth, are you there? One can only hope…— Morrissey (@itsmorrissey) May 14, 2014
It’s mind-boggling that it took him so long to join Twitter. The platform—-perfect for pithiness—-and the crooner go together nicely like a hand in glove. Is it really so strange to think that such an opinionated person would embrace the microblogging service?
But what will he tweet about? Below, we’ve compiled some possible topics. Please feel free to stop me if you’ve think you’ve heard some of these before.
1) Vegetarianism and Animal Rights
Meat is murder and Moz will most definitely use Twitter to let you know. In the past, the vegetarian and animal rights activist walked away from a Coachella set because the stage was next to a concession stand where meat was being cooked. He also cancelled on Jimmy Kimmel Live because the cast of Duck Dynasty were also guests, and he’s blasted the Canadian government (on multiple occasions) for the clubbing of baby seals. So yeah, this boy has a thorn in his side about the consumption of meat, and he’s going to let you know about it.
2) The Royals
The Queen is dead, at least in Morrissey’s eyes. The man with the self-proclaimed Irish blood an English heart has notoriously bashed the monarchy. In 2012, Moz told Stephen Colbert that the Queen Elizabeth II’s Diamond Jubilee was nothing more than a celebration of 60 years of dictatorship. You better believe he’ll blast the Royals using 140 characters or less.
3) Reuniting the Smiths
Sigh, I know it’s over and that this is a pipe dream but can’t he please, please, please let me get what I want? Lord knows it would be the first time.
Fidel Martinez is an editor at Fusion.net. He's also a Texas native and a lifelong El Tri fan.