Barbie debuted in 1969, but she hit a real pop cultural peak in the '90s. You couldn't turn your TV on without seeing a commercial for Jewel Hair Mermaid Barbie, Barbie's Western Fun Motorhome, or Cool Shavin' Ken. How many of these ads do you remember?
Via the magic of a Windows 95-compatible CD-ROM, Talk With Me! Barbie would learn details like your name and hair color so she could make totally normal-sounding statements like, "Amy, your brown hair looks so pretty today!" In retrospect, this commercial seems like a solid premise for a horror movie.
How many '90s living room walls do you think got a rogue paint job from Western Stampin' Barbie's boots?
Totally Hair Barbie — a grammatical construction that doge would definitely approve of —will let you style her floor-length crimped hair with all the scrunchies and gel your little early '90s heart desires.
Sorry, no, not Veterinarian Barbie. Pet Doctor Barbie.
Like any seasoned outdoorswoman, Camp Barbie has glow-in-the-dark stars on her sleeping bag and hair that develops streaks in the sun.
I've listened to the Camp Barbie jingle about six times in a row, and I'm convinced that this is an actual lyric: "You'll see the native things when I'm out in the sun!"
(Pretty sure it's "neatest." But sounds like "native.")
What beach party is complete without sunken treasure and a pearl ring that magically changes color, for some reason?
This toy combines two of kids' primary interests: groceries and childcare.
This commercial co-stars Tara Lipinski, who, if you were a little girl in the late '90s, was literally the coolest woman in America. See also: Olympic Gymnast Barbie.
"She looks special all the time!"
Not only is Barbie three feet tall, but she comes with a dress that you can wear, too! In a world where the average wedding costs more than $30,000, My Size Bride Barbie might be exactly what you need to save your budget.
"This Barbie's cool from head to toe
Because she's got the most happening clothes!"
Iggy Azalea before Iggy Azalea was Iggy Azalea.
Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion's Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.