Tom Brady Should Kiss Trump on the Mouth

This image was removed due to legal reasons.

The Patriots winning the Super Bowl objectively sucks for all of America that isn’t Boston and the surrounding, even more racist areas of New England, but one good thing that might happen as a result is that Tom Brady now has one more chance to kiss Donald Trump on the mouth.


Here is why I think this could happen: Brady has been linked to Trump repeatedly over his career, including keeping a red MAGA hat in his locker. And if, as tradition holds, the Super Bowl champions visit the White House, then Tom Brady, a man who lives to throw footballs inflated with varying amounts of air and also to kiss his loved ones on the mouth, will have an opportunity to kiss Trump (on the mouth).

However, this is not certain: The controversy over who will and will not go to the White House has already started. Patriots safety Duron Harmon said on Monday that he wouldn’t visit Trump, but that meeting Obama “would be dope.” (For the record, Harmon also didn’t visit Trump after the Patriots’ 2017 win because he is a man of principle.)

Brady also did not visit the White House in 2017, citing “family matters.” This year he has the opportunity to clear the air once and for all by going to the White House and kissing Donald Trump’s face (specifically his mouth).

For reference, here is a list of people Tom Brady has already kissed on the mouth.

1) His son, (definitely):

2) Patriots Owner Robert Kraft (arguably):

Bob Kraft is a repulsive billionaire that Brady is very close with because Brady has made him a staggering amount of money. Last night they (almost) kissed on the mouth. The ruling on the field was that they kissed on the mouth but instant replay shows that they perhaps did not kiss on the mouth but instant replay makes football slow and boring as hell so in my opinion the ruling on the field should stand.


3) His wife Gisele Bündchen (probably?)

Tom Brady is married to Brazilian model Gisele Bündchen who is also extremely rich and has assumedly been kissed on the mouth by him.


4) Donald Trump (potentially!)

This year is Tom Brady’s chance to kiss Donald Trump on the mouth.

Contributing Writer, Splinter