Trump Brain Status: 'Bird Cemetery'

Screenshot: NBC (YouTube)
Trump Brain StatusTrump Brain StatusDispatches from the cursed interior of Donald Trump’s overripe melon.

President Donald Trump visited Hackberry, LA on Tuesday, where he delivered an unhinged, loopy speech that seemed to dip in and out of his prepared remarks for bizarre asides about Steve Scalise nearly dying, his least favorite airports, and tons of dead birds.

During what was billed as an address “promoting energy infrastructure and economic growth,” Trump trashed some of the biggest transportation hubs in the United States, saying, “In my previous life, I’d go around, I’d see these airports in different countries—the most incredible airports in the world. Then I’d come home, I’d land at LaGuardia, I’d land Kennedy or Newark, or I’d land at LAX, and they’re...not the same.”

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Trump also took a moment to acknowledge Scalise, a congressman from the state, before launching into an eyebrow-raising story about trying to comfort Scalise’s wife after the congressman was shot in 2017.

Calling Scalise’s gunshot wounds “a little problem,” Trump claimed he saw Scalise’s wife “crying like I’d never seen a woman cry before.”

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“About a month later I said, ‘Steve, your wife and family loves you.’ Because I know some cases where it’s not quite that way,” Trump continued. “In fact sometimes you see smiles on their faces, and I say, ‘You’re in trouble, this isn’t working.’”

W...what? He sees people smile when a family member is shot? What??

Then, because he was speaking to natural gas employees, Trump took a shot at Democrats and the proposed Green New Deal, which aims to stem the tide of catastrophic environmental upheaval. So, naturally, Trump mocked the plan as a “hoax like the hoax I just went through.”

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He also said it would, uh, kill birds.

“You want to see a bird cemetery? Go under a windmill sometime. You’ll see the saddest... you got every type of bird,” Trump insisted.

“You know, in California you go to jail for five years if you kill a bald eagle. You go under a windmill, you see them all over the place,” he continued, calling it “not a good situation.”

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“But that’s what [Democrats] were counting on, wind,” Trump concluded. “When the wind doesn’t blow, you don’t watch television that night.”

Because for this president, the worst punishment on earth is not being able to watch TV.

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You can, if you absolutely must, watch all of Trump’s entire loony rant below.

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About the author

Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.