Trump Demands 'ALL APOLOGIZE' After Botched MSNBC Report About His Ties to Russia

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President Donald Trump kicked off his Thursday morning with some Very Important Business of the Nation: tweeting whiny complaints against MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell, who last night issued a hasty retraction over his previous claim that a number of Deutsche Bank loans to Trump had been co-signed by Russian oligarchs “close to Vladimir Putin.”


The president’s screed against O’Donnell has all the characteristics of a typical Trump rant (a lame nickname, an emasculating aside, and a black hole of self-pity) but let’s not lose sight of the punchline to this whole thing: his caps lock demand that “ALL APOLOGIZE!”—which O’Donnell actually did during his Wednesday night broadcast.

Meanwhile Trump—a man who has spent his the bulk of his 73 years on planet Earth lying, and lying, and super-duper lying—has seemingly never apologized once for, well...anything, really, save his hastily made, politically expedient mea culpa after the infamous Access Hollywood tape became public.

Nevertheless: Get on your knees, you clods! Grovel and beg for mercy from the benevolent god emperor, who demands your supplication and total obedience!

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.