Trump Interrupts Medal of Freedom Ceremony to Be Extremely Horny

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Donald Trump awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, one of the ceremonial things that Presidents get to do to feel cool about being president, to a whole bunch of people today, including the evil and dead Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.


But while presenting the medal to Scalia’s wife, Maureen, Trump paused to be extremely horny. While introducing Maureen, Trump rattled off all nine of the couple’s children and immediately went “Wow, you were very busy weren’t you.” He paused for a minute, then said. “Wow, I always knew I liked him.”

OK, it’s not the same when you read it, so please watch this. There is like a full three-four second pause for awkward laughter where you can just tell Trump is thinking about bangin’.

Whew. Damn. To be fair, nine kids is a lot of kids! I guess the point here is that no one can accuse Scalia of being a hypocrite, seeing as he argued vehemently against contraception and women’s rights every chance he could get, most notably defending Hobby Lobby from the terrible injustice of having to pay for their employees’ birth control.

Anyway, congratulations to the dead judge for his Medal of Freedom and also his sperm count, apparently.

Contributing Writer, Splinter