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A report from the SMARTEST NAME IN NEWS, Axios, tells us today that President Trump is “obsessed with Amazon,” correctly believing that it is a bad company, though not quite for the right reasons.

According to Axios’ ever-unnamed sources, Trump has “wondered aloud if there may be any way to go after Amazon with antitrust or competition law.” That’s good! Or, at least it would be if there was any chance of that happening. But Trump reportedly wonders this because his “wealthy friends tell him Amazon is destroying their businesses,” and that “Amazon is killing shopping malls and brick-and-mortar retailers.” I wonder if his rich buddies tell him about the role of private equity in stripping and killing businesses for hedge fund profits? I’m going to bet................ yes. Just kidding, no, they don’t tell him anything about that.

Among the funniest details in the story: Apparently Trump believes the U.S. Post Office gives Amazon “cushy treatment,” which he has tweeted about before, even though it’s “been explained to him in multiple meetings that his perception is inaccurate and that the Post Office actually makes a ton of money from Amazon.” This is perfect, because it’s such a confused old man concern—the damn POST OFFICE again!!! They lost my letter to Bea Arthur SIX TIMES!!!—while also being totally wrong. (Again, if Trump’s advisers were any good, they might tell him about Amazon Flex, the “invisible workforce” of “expendable couriers” who are treated like garbage.)

Of course, because it’s Axios, we’re treated to some incredibly naive shit about how Pence is good because he gets Facebook is bad:

Though Pence isn’t yet pushing internally for any specific regulations, he argues these companies are dangerously powerful.

The source said the V.P. worries about their influence on media coverage, as well as their control of the advertising industry and users’ personal info.

When private discussions have turned to the idea of busting Facebook and Google, Pence has listened with keen interest and is open to the suggestion that these two companies need shaking up.

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Wow, he sounds really smart and moderate! You definitely weren’t played into printing that shit, Axios!

Update 2:30 PM: After the Axios report, Amazon shares dipped 7.4 percent, wiping $53 billion off its stock value. So sad. At the White House press briefing, Sarah Huckabee Sanders said Trump is always looking to “create a level playing field” for businesses: