Trump Is Not Mad

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Everything is fine! Who’s mad? President Trump? No, Never. On Wednesday Trump called up his favorite failing newspaper, The New York Times, to report that he has never been mad and previous reports of his alleged anger were, in fact, wrong. He’s definitely not mad.


The Washington Post published a story on Monday portraying Trump as an angry old man who couldn’t handle the news that Paul Manafort, his former campaign chairman, had been arrested. But the report, Trump told The Times, made it seem like he was “angry at everyone.” To which he responded, “I’m actually not angry at anyone.”

What could Trump possibly be mad about? His ratings…er, polls, are just spectacular, a claim he cited as a defense to why he couldn’t possibly be mad:

“I just got fantastic poll numbers,” the president said, listing what he saw as his biggest accomplishments, including a focus on deregulation and low unemployment rates.

It’s unclear where Trump’s “fantastic poll numbers” are coming from, however, since Tuesday’s NBC and Wall Street Journal poll put him at a 38% favorability — his lowest rating since taking office. Even his Fox News poll numbers tanked last week.

But Trump, ever the cool, calm, and collected guy, “is really enjoying himself.” He’s even coming into the office early (which explains his early morning Twitter tirades) and leaving late. “It’s very smooth,” Trump declared.

And the charges special counsel Robert Mueller filed against Manafort and his deputy, Rick Gates, those are entirely unrelated to Trump’s White House. “It has nothing to do with us,” Trump added, echoing a not mad partially capitalized tweet he posted on Monday:


Also, Trump is NOT MAD! OKAY?

Night Editor, Splinter