Trump Is Reportedly Working Hard on Some Dumb New Nicknames for Democrats

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Now that the 2020 race has kicked off in earnest, it’s time for President Donald Trump to dig in and really get to work on making the case for his re-election campaign. So like an amateur stand-up comic testing his half-baked routine on hapless friends and family before stepping onstage at open mic night, the president is reportedly spending his time trying out the absolute dumbest possible nicknames for all his potential opponents.

The Associated Press reported on Tuesday: 

Inside the West Wing and in conversations with outside allies, Trump has been workshopping other attempts to imprint his new adversaries with lasting labels, according to two people on whom the president has tested out the nicknames. They spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss private conversations with the president. He is also testing out lines of attack in public rallies, exploring vulnerabilities he could use against them should they advance to the general election.


Oh. Super.

It’s hard to imagine how the 72-year-old commander-in-chief could ever top the truly inspired linguistic brilliance of calling California Rep. Adam Schiff “Adam Schittor the overt racism of labeling Sen. Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas, but with the help of his panel of White House experts, he’s gonna give it a try!

What schoolyard nicknames will Trump pump out this time? Will he call Kamala Harris “Can’t-mala”? Will Beto become “Lame-o”? Will Bernie Sanders be branded “Globalist Bernie,” wink wink? Will Chris Cillizza lose his shit over whatever mediocre insults Trump manages to come up with? (Yes.)

This national emergency we’re having must be very important. 2020's gonna be great.