Trump Uses Easter Egg Roll to Talk to Kids About Funding Wars and Kicking Out Immigrants

Illustration for article titled Trump Uses Easter Egg Roll to Talk to Kids About Funding Wars and Kicking Out Immigrants
Photo: AP

Donald Trump, father to multiple human offspring, used the 140th Easter Egg Roll, a day of kid-friendly activities at the White House, to talk to the children about how he’s going to get lots of money for the military to fight wars. He also muttered in their tiny, impressionable ears about how the Democrats apparently screwed over DACA recipients.


This guy sure knows how to have a good time!

While addressing the crowd—flanked by First Lady Melania Trump and some poor staffer dressed as the Easter Bunny—Trump talked about ramping up America’s war machine.


“Our military is now at a level where it has never been before. You see what’s happening, and you see what’s happening with funding,” the president said. “The funding of our military was so important and so many military people are with us here today. So, just think of $700 billion because that is all going into our military this year.”

And visions of unmanned drone missions danced in the children’s heads. Just think of it—all the Peeps, jelly beans, and F-52s you can buy with $700 billion American dollars!

Trump ominously concluded: “And now I’m going to come down and we’re going to watch this roll.” Things did not improve from there.


In a video of Trump interacting with some of the child guests which was posted by NBC News, the president, surrounded by bewildered young ’uns, can faintly be heard telling reporters that the “Democrats really let them down. They truly let them down, they had this great opportunity...and now people are taking advantage of DACA.”


Trump didn’t respond to a reporter pointing out that it was, in fact, him who killed DACA. Since he killed it, and since Congress has done nothing in response, DACA recipients remain in purgatory.

But don’t worry, everything is A-OK here!

Managing Editor, Splinter

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