Photo: Getty

President Trump gave a “more than 40-minute exclusive interview” to Breitbart yesterday, covering a range of topics like “is socialism bad,” “do people like socialism,” and “does socialism work.”

Sorry, that’s not quite fair—it was also about how Trump will be able to defeat socialism because of his epic poll numbers, despite what fake news says. He told the site:

You saw them—we’ve had our best poll numbers. We had nothing but fake news. Fox treats me well—and when I say well, I define well as fairly. It’s not—some of it’s not so good at all. But at least it’s fair. I do really well with local—you know, the local stuff is shockingly good. It’s almost like not even to be believed. But CNN and MSNBC and NBC, ABC, and yeah CBS, they’re all extraordinarily bad. I would say NBC is maybe the worst and very dishonest. It’s not even like bad, like bad reporting. It’s totally dishonest reporting. It’s really pretty incredible what they can get away with.

This is one of the seven or eight thoughts that Trump is capable of expressing at length, if not with any real coherence. On other topics, all he has is a random jumble of prepositions, adjectives, and key phrases which he strings together until the reporter helps him out—“it’s very good/bad,” and “we’re looking at it closely,” for example. This is very stressful for him. On fake news, meanwhile, he has unfettered mental access to a series of relevant nouns and concepts—“news,” “Fox,” “CNN,” “reporting”—to create something resembling real sentences, which is why he goes back to it so much.

But the president’s major message in this interview was a much more important PSA: Do NOT attempt to fuck socialism, however sexy it sounds (emphasis mine):

But when you tell people free medical, free education, no more student loans—all of the different things that you say—it’s a great thing to campaign on, but then ten years later the country is down the tubes. It’s gone. So, you always have to be careful with it, because you know you talk about single-payer, it sounds very seductive—single-payer—say what you want, but it’s a very seductive thing.

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Fellas, you know how it is—you hear the words “single-payer” and snap a mondo boner in your pants right then and there.

This is what they have to fight socialism; this is their whole arsenal, an addled old man saying, “It sounds good but it’ll betray you, like your damn ex-wife!!!” to middle-aged boomers. They can’t even avoid admitting that people want the things that Democrats who have adopted the socialist label are proposing, like free college and healthcare; all they can do is say that no, those things are like sex in that you can’t have them. That’s what they have.

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That, and the top minds the CIA has produced using their incredible investigatory powers (Google) to blow this thing wide open.