For those of us hoping that the new year would bring with it a small measure of peace and respite from President Donald Trump’s predictably unpredictable rants, well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news.
Less than 48 hours into 2019, the president held his first cabinet meeting of the year, using the opportunity to say things that, in his mind, probably constituted something approaching coherent sentences.
Of course, first and foremost on his mind was Wall. In particular, who has Wall, and how good Wall can be.
For the record, the Obamas do not actually have a wall surrounding their home.
When they say the wall is immoral, then you have to do something about the Vatican because the Vatican has the biggest wall of them all. The wall is immoral. Look at all the countries that have walls. They work 100%. It’s never going to change. Wall is wall.
For the record, the Vatican does not actually have a wall surrounding the city. I think China would beg to differ about “the biggest wall of them all,” too.
The president went on to insist that that the only reason Mitt Romney wasn’t elected president in 2012 is that he didn’t write a baby-soft opinion piece in the Washington Post that year.
The president also used the meeting to claim that he’d “essentially” fired his former defense secretary, Gen. James Mattis. He didn’t.
Besides, he’d have been a tremendous military leader himself!
And speaking of generals, feel free to unpack this bizarre aside he made regarding a meeting he’d attended about Iran:
I had a meeting at the Pentagon with lots of generals. They were like from a movie. Better looking than Tom Cruise and stronger. And I had more generals than I’ve ever seen, and we were at the bottom of this incredible room. I said, ‘this is greatest room I’ve ever seen.’
Wow, what a beautiful room!
The president also told a fun little story about the Soviet Union and Afghanistan. As you probably guessed, he’s 100% wrong about everything:
The reason Russia was in Afghanistan was because terrorists were going into Russia, they were right to be there. The problem is it was a tough fight. Literally they went bankrupt and went back to being called Russia again instead of the Soviet Union.
No one in the room bothered to tell the president who was funding those “terrorists.” Weird.
Perhaps the saddest moment of this whole pathetic shitshow came when the president insisted that he spent Christmas Eve “all by myself in the White House” watching PBS.
In fact, as the Trump-loving Daily Caller themselves noted on December 24, First Lady Melania Trump: “ROCKS RED COAT AS SHE FLIES BACK TO WASHINGTON D.C. FOR CHRISTMAS WITH TRUMP.” How nice of the president to notice.
New year, same old Trump.