Pip pip, I’m a tosser!
Photo: Getty

Cor! Can you Adam & Eve it? Old Mr. Trump’s only been talking to bloody Nigel again! What a pillock! What’s he like, eh? Bleedin’ prat.

Sorry. Nigel Farage, the former leader of the anti-EU United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) and pro-Brexit moron, has reportedly discussed the latest Brexit deal on the phone with Donald Trump, according to BuzzFeed. This is bad because Trump frequently repeats the views of the last and loudest gobshite he spoke to, especially those who go on Fox News.

BuzzFeed did not reveal the timing of the call, but Trump attacked the Brexit deal on Monday, saying it “sounds like a great deal for the EU” and implying it would mean the UK could not trade with the U.S., which is bollocks. This stupid lie matches what Farage said on Fox News hours earlier, when he said the deal would “prevent” a trade deal between the two countries, according to the site. (Farage has been a frequent guest on Fox News since at least 2014, opining on the threat of ISIS and immigration in Europe, but in that charming British accent.)

It seems very likely, then, that the president is receiving his information on this extremely complicated and sensitive matter from a man hated by most of the UK, whose chief qualification for opining about it on American telly is that his name is Nigel, making him very British. He is not currently the leader of any political party or elected to any political office, and the party he was formerly in charge of currently has no members of Parliament. He also looks like this.

Photo: Getty

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The political context of this in Britain is that Prime Minister Theresa May just finished negotiating a final “divorce” deal with the EU, which will be put to Parliament for a vote, but everyone is very cross with her about it and no one likes it. The Labour Party doesn’t like it, many members of her own party and Cabinet don’t like it, the party the Conservatives rely on in Parliament for their majority don’t like it. Most importantly, no one likes May herself and she might face a vote of no confidence, unseating her from her premiership. That could open the door for a general election or even another referendum on Brexit. Meanwhile, if Britain does leave the EU without a deal, it’s going to be a nightmare; even leaving with a deal will harm the British economy. The whole thing is so stupid!!!

Indeed, the Bloody Mental, Innit? threat level has been at Very Bloody Mental since the Brexit vote happened, but the last few weeks have seen British politics shoot up to Absolutely Bonkers and even Sodding Barmy. Good to know that the president of the United States is taking sensible advice from an unelectable frog-faced fuck in wellies, then.