TV Conservatives' Biggest Worries Right Now Are the Witches Hexing Brett Kavanaugh

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The latest terrifying example of leftist violence, according to Republicans, is a public hexing ceremony at a small Brooklyn bookstore next Saturday. For professional outrage artists like Tucker Carlson and whoever the hell the morning cable news shows can book, this is like catnip — there’s no way they could stay away.


The hexing, which is literally just an event you can buy tickets to on Eventbrite, is one of several that an occult bookstore called Catland has hosted over the past few months. Per Newsweek, the ceremony is an “act of solidarity” for people who feel ostracized by the current administration:

Dakota Bracciale, the co-owner of Catland Books, a “metaphysical boutique and occult bookshop,” told Newsweek that the store had already hosted three hexes on President Donald Trump. When the idea to host one for Kavanaugh was proposed, Bracciale was all in.

“It’s an act of solidarity, of letting people know that you’re not alone with the monsters,” Bracciale said. “Just because you don’t follow generally accepted mainstream faiths doesn’t mean you can’t have comradery.”

Still, here’s Tucker Carlson, who apparently needed some time to fill between white nationalist talking points, connecting honestly pretty chill-sounding event to Planned Parenthood, which he says performs “human sacrifice rituals.”

And here’s the segment cropping up again, on Sunday morning’s AM Joy (hosted by Ali Velshi instead of Joy Ann Reid). This time, it’s Amy Kremer, the co-founder of the Women Vote Trump PAC and professional nutty conservative talking head who lists it off as one of the symptoms of leftist violence.

The clip should play below, if not, the quote in particular is a few seconds after 20:00 in the video. Ali Velshi’s double take after the hex line is pretty good.

“It is a scary time right now. Sarah Sanders has been run out of restaurants. I mean, there’s a list of things going on,” Kremer said. “Now you’ve got witches that are placing a hex on Brett Kavanaugh. You’ve got the Republican party in New York City that’s being vandalized, so it is concerning this type of behavior is going on and it’s concerning to all Americans out there.”


As an American, I’m not super concerned about a couple of anarchy symbols getting spraypainted on the side of the Metropolitan Republican club in NYC that’s about to host Gavin McInnes, nor am I super worried about some wiccan shit in Bushwick. I am pretty worried, however, about the fact that after the vandalism at the Republican club, about 30 of Gavin McInnes’s Proud Boys beat the shit out of three counter-protestors, and the cops then arrested the counter protestors.


Then again, nobody’s currently paying me to spout bullshit on cable news.

Contributing Writer, Splinter