AP

‘Twas the day after Christmas, so here’s the sitch—major newspaper says to senator: Retire, bitch!

Republican Senator Orrin Hatch is evidently the sort of person who only reads headlines, which is why he was thrilled to learn h’d been named “Utahn of the Year” by his home-state paper, the Salt Lake Tribune.

But, if Hatch had actually read the article in question, he’d know that instead of lauding the longest-serving United States senator for his work on behalf of the people of Utah, the Tribune was actually laying bare just how awful Orrin has been for his constituents and the country as a whole.

Citing an “utter lack of integrity that rises from his unquenchable thirst for power,” the Tribune’s editorial board penned a vicious hate-letter to one of the most powerful men in American politics today, broken into three damning sections:

  • Hatch’s support for President Trump’s recent dismantling of the Grand Staircase-Escalante and Bears Ear National Monuments (per the Tribune, a move that follows “no constitutional, legal or environmental logic.”)
  • His work on the GOP’s catastrophically bad tax plan (“Hatch, as chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, has his fingerprints all over it.”)
  • His ongoing efforts to run for an eighth term in office (“Not only not fair to all of those who were passed over. It is basically a theft from the Utah electorate.”)

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The whole editorial is worth reading, if for no other reason than to marvel at how a local paper can pat you on the back with one hand while twisting the knife with the other.