Vintage quiz: What kind of girl would you have been in 1966?

If there is one question, a single concept, that has plagued poets, musicians, scientists, and other greats since the dawn of humankind, it’s “Why are women sooo hard to figure out?”  Listen Nietzsche, you’re preaching to the choir.

Back in 1965, however, advertising exec Lois Wyse came close to cracking the code with a wry book called What Kind of Girl Are You, Anyway? In it she laid out 44 different caricatures of women and offered a breakdown of each, simultaneously poking fun at and celebrating women.

(For all you Mad Men fans, Wyse was basically an original Peggy Olson. Aside from the fact that she was the first woman on the board of the Consolidated Natural Gas Company and wrote over 60 books, she straight-up coined the advertising tagline, “With a name like Smucker’s, it has to be good.” She also told a small chain called Bed and Bath that they’d be better off as Bed, Bath & Beyond, according to her 2007 obituary in The New York Times. Bowing down.)

Luckily for us, Cosmo’s April 1966 issue showcased six of Wyse’s women, encouraging readers to determine which “kind of girl” they were. They were basically sixties versions of the basic bitches we all know and love today. Take it away, wise Wyse!

1. The homemaker kind of girl

Three years after Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique was published, Wyse is on point: “Marriage is In. Housewives are Out.”

2. The gold-digger kind of girl

Aside from being ignored by poets and novelists, sounds like a pretty good set-up. Oh, and aside from the fact that she married for money.

3. The girl-next-door kind of girl

Holy shit this got dark.

4. The trophy wife kind of girl

Later referred to as the Stepford Wife. Yuk it up all you want, plebe—the corporate girl was probably knee-deep in Lana Lobell catalogs.

5. The Chateau Marmont kind of girl

Not going to lie, the older glamour girl with the low-cut dresses and the low throaty laughs and the lashes flapping about everywhere is who I want to be in 40 years.

6. The loaded girl

“It is often difficult to spot really rich girls because they look like really poor girls.”  Truer words have rarely been said.

Previous Throwback Thursday features:

Before Kraft Mac & Cheese’s iconic neon sauce disappears forever, an homage in 9 vintage ads

Before barefaced was a thing: 7 awesomely ’80s makeup ads

Let this 1855 book explain the dreadful ‘uterine affection’ that is hysteria