Wall Street Is Legitimately Worried About Warren

Illustration for article titled Wall Street Is Legitimately Worried About Warren
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Much of the business of Wall Street is “managing risk,” and at the moment, analysts agree they have a scary risk named “Elizabeth Warren.”

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This is, of course, in addition to the trade war and regular war and impeachment and dangerous deregulation and corruption and crumbling of the international order accomplished by the current president.

A few things are true about Elizabeth Warren. She has a long history of expertise in financial regulation; she has a number of unusually detailed plans for financial regulation; and, most importantly, she is now polling well enough that Wall Street must seriously contemplate the possibility that she might win. And they’re scared! Here is my favorite bit from this Bloomberg story quoting multiple financial analysts warning already about Warren’s deleterious effect on upcoming bank earnings reports:

“It’s clear that Warren is uniquely troubling to the finance industry,” Katz wrote, as she “feels comfortable with the subject matter.”

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This fuckin lady knows where the bodies are buried! Can we do anything about this???

I absolutely one hundred percent guarantee that Wall Street will become fervently pro-Trump if Warren is the nominee. You will not have seen this many respectable people go Nazi since the, you know, actual Nazis.

Also, Donald Trump will absolutely blame Warren for the recession for which he has been busily laying the groundwork for years now.

Senior Writer. Hamilton@SplinterNews.com

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