Washington's Biggest Idiots Offer $50K Reward to Expose Whistleblower's Identity

Photo: Evan Vucci (AP)

When it comes to the ignominious title of “biggest idiots in Washington DC” there’s plenty of heavy competition, but only one undisputed heavyweight champion team: alleged criminal Jacob Wohl and conspiracy loon Jack Burkman, the Laurel and Hardy of conservative grifters whose repeated efforts to discredit any number of public figures have all inevitably ended in hilarious disarray.

Determined not to learn their lesson, the pair resurfaced today to put a $50,000 dollar bounty on information related to the identity of the whistleblower whose complaint to Congress over President Donald Trump’s interactions with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has spurred an impeachment effort by House Democrats.

“This individual is key to understanding exactly what happened and how we can move forward,” Burkman said in a statement to the conservative Washington Examiner on Thursday. “We’ve put forth this reward in hopes of bringing more information to light and putting this dark chapter behind us.”

Earlier today, President Trump suggested the anonymous whistleblower and their sources be executed for treason, telling a group of diplomats and their families at a breakfast event that: “I want to know who’s the person, who’s the person who gave the whistleblower the information? Because that’s close to a spy. You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart? Right? The spies and treason, we used to handle it a little differently than we do now.”

Trump’s dictatorial threats notwithstanding, Burkman and Wohl insisted that their crusade would reduce, not further inflame, tensions in Washington.

While little is known about the identity of the whistleblower at this point, the New York Times reported they are a CIA officer who was assigned to the White House.

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I can only hope that Burkman and Wohl hold another public press conference announcing the results of their fishing expedition, solely to see if it ends up being as hilariously bad as the time they accused Robert Mueller of rape without a shred of credible evidence while one of their flies was down.

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Rafi Schwartz

Senior writer. When in doubt he'll have the soup.