Yesterday, director Paul Feig made comedy fans drool with a tweet confirming the rumor that his Ghostbusters reboot would feature women in the starring roles originated by Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson.
Yup, that's Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones, and yup, we are so excited that we're forced to make a conscious physical effort not to pee ourselves. In keeping with the gender-swapped theme, we went ahead and cast the movie’s supporting roles (minus Slimer, who's more than welcome to stick around in his original form) so Feig and company can go ahead and get this thing in the can.
Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver) – John Cho
Bill Murray's love interest was much more than that: she was smart, independent, and knew better than to take him seriously. John Cho would be a perfect straight man (and also, I guess, heterosexual man?) for any of these high-energy comics to play off.
Besides, we lost Selfie far too soon and this is how I've chosen to grieve. Please give me some space.
Louis Tully (Rick Moranis) – Tina Fey
Three quarters of Feig's core team are Saturday Night Live cast members, so why not take this opportunity to pay homage to one of SNL's most celebrated alumnae? As writer Caitlin Moran and others have suggested, let's cast Fey as Dana's geeky neighbor, the role played by timelessly beloved weirdo Rick Moranis.
Janine Melnitz (Annie Potts) – Joseph Gordon-Levitt
The Ghostbusters wouldn't be the Ghostbusters without their cutie-pie, abrasive receptionist. JGL can conveniently repurpose his Don Jon accent.
Walter Peck (William Atherton) – Taraji P. Henson
Walter Peck is the douchey EPA inspector who questions the totally haphazard means by which the Ghostbusters are containing the spirits they catch. (Besides Ghostbusters, how many other movies can you name where the environmentally conscious person is the villain?) We would love to watch Taraji P. Henson stroll into the firehouse and shut that shit down, especially if an attack by broom is involved.
Taraji's understudy: Amy Poehler (another SNL powerhouse!), bringing a character that's essentially Leslie Knope's evil twin to life.
Gozer (Slavitza Jovan) – James Franco
There is no way James Franco wouldn't be thrilled to cameo as an inexplicably sudsy, androgynous ancient deity hell-bent on destroying the world. Forget James Dean: this is the role he was born for.
The Mayor (David Margulies) – Sigourney Weaver
There's no way you're making a lady-reboot of Ghostbusters without bringing back the Gatekeeper herself. On a related note, do you think real-life Sigourney Weaver would actually run for Mayor of New York? We could do worse.
Sexy Dream Ghost (Kymberly Herrin) – Alexander Skarsgård
Molly Fitzpatrick is senior editor of Fusion's Pop & Culture section. Her interests include movies about movies, TV shows about TV shows, and movies about TV shows, but not so much TV shows about movies.