What Even Is This AP Story About the Pence Family's Christmas Decorations

Twas a week before Christmas, when all through the house, the Associated Press was following Karen Pence around for a generous puff piece.

In a case of press releases come to life, the Associated Press on Wednesday took a dive into covering… the Christmas decorations at Vice President Mike Pence’s official residence:

Stockings hung by the chimney with care? Nine red ones hang from the fireplace mantle in the dining room: Six for the Pences and three for pets Hazel, Harley and Marlon. Instead of visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads, kids can stop by a special candy station to fill up on them…The main attraction shines in the living room: an 11½-foot (3.35-meter) North Carolina fir decorated with ornaments symbolizing the “bundle of toys” Santa “had flung on his back.” A life-size Santa replica stands next to the tree, reviewing his naughty or nice list. Guests arrive to an oversized copy of the poem [“Twas the Night Before Christmas”] opened beside a high-backed red velvet chair.

Is this a Travel Channel-esque glimpse inside the Pence residence or a try-hard description for a Facebook event inviting the neighborhood to the Pence’s annual winter wonderland bazaar? I can’t tell!

A life-size replica of the big man himself? You don’t say! But really, who was this article (and the poorly-produced accompanying video following around Karen Pence) created for? Do I laugh knowing that Pence, still to this day, insists on reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas” poem to his large adult children? Yes, I do.

But the AP didn’t ask any questions about Pence’s new role as human paper weight this holiday season or his backing of a segregation-defender to be a federal judge. There’s not a critical voice to be found in this story about decking the halls, but hopefully the access was worth covering such other non-events as Pence missing a SpaceX launch or him being so rudely mocked by Very Mean Minnesota Rep. Ilhan Omar.

Good job, AP! Maybe in the new year we can learn about how the Pence family celebrates St. Patrick’s Day.