What the Hell Is Alan Dershowitz Even Talking About Anymore?

People may not want him hanging around their fancy-schmancy Martha’s Vineyard parties anymore, but attorney and world-renowned attention hog Alan Dershowitz is always welcome at Fox News these days.

Speaking with Fox & Friends on Monday, The Dersh was full of apocalyptic forecasts and ominous warnings for anyone who’d be dumb enough to think that the president might be involved in some extremely illegal stuff which we should maybe investigate.

“They have targeted the president, they have targeted his business,” Dershowitz lamented to Fox’s Brian Kilmeade. “Some of them are trivial. The emoluments clause business—forget about it, that’s going nowhere. Again, he has a constitutional defense.

“The vulnerability is in the business and they have targeted,” Dershowitz continued. “They have said, ‘Look, we’ve known about Mr. Trump’s business dealings for years. We’ve never looked into them. But now, we’re going to start looking into them.”

He was just getting started. “The biggest crime you can commit in America today is to be associated with Donald Trump,” Dershowitz said without a hint of irony. “They’re going to Manafort you, they’re going to Cohen you. They’re going to do all of these things to you.”

It’s worth pointing out that by “Manafort you” and “Cohen you,” Dershowitz presumably means “build a successful case against you for multiple felonious financial crimes,” something most people who aren’t white-collar criminals don’t actually have to worry about.

“They usually do it with the mafia,” Dershowitz added. “It’s the Al Capone approach. If we can’t get him on the grounds that we’d really want him on, let’s go after him on taxes, let’s go after him on business.”

It’s at this point you might ask yourself, “Wait, wasn’t Al Capone a criminal kingpin who was extremely guilty of federal tax crimes?” Why, yes, he was. Thanks for pointing that out, Harvard Law professor Alan Dershowitz.

“It’s targeting people!” Dershowitz went on. “And if they can target President Trump, they can target you, they can target anyone. That’s the problem.” Again: Not a career criminal in the immediate orbit of Donald Trump? Pretty sure you’re in the clear.

If you feel like getting having Alan Dershowitz yell in your face for five minutes, you can watch his Fox & Friends appearance here.