What's the Worst Band to Get Fired to?

Photo: Joshua Roberts (Getty)

On Wednesday, the Wall Street Journal reported that WeWork CEO Adam Neumann once fired a bunch of employees and then, a few weeks later, tried to sooth the pain for his remaining workers by giving them tequila shots and hosting a concert by DMC of the legendary rap group Run-DMC.

As many people noticed, that means that this ClickHole post basically came true.

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This got me thinking. What would the worst concert be to get fired at? OK, maybe we’ve got two questions here: what would be the worst free work concert to have forced upon you after all your friends got fired?

In both situations here, I think the hypothetical concert has to be put on by your boss. It’s gotta be a work event. Personally, I think any concert put on by work is going to be weird and bad, but let’s game this out.

Worst Band to Get Fired To

So option one: your CEO is like, “We’re having a Friday party and there’s a free concert, it’s TK BAND” and then at the show he announces layoffs. I don’t think that’d actually happen, but I think in THAT case the worst band would be one that you actually like and maybe haven’t seen before, probably something classic. For me I think the list looks like this:

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  • Bob Seger, but he only plays “Night Moves,” an objectively great song, and then you think of getting fired every time you hear “Night Moves” after that.
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers, because it would be just incredibly overwhelming, and then you’d have no choice but to accept that RHCP kinda sucks even though you’d gotten really comfortable in just being like, “yeah, you know what, Californication’ goes off and I don’t care if people say I’m wrong.” I saw RHCP live once at a concert I was shooting photos for and it fucking ruled so I don’t want to live in a world where I have to admit that RHCP is bad, which I would if I had to see them while getting fired.
  • Miguel, or another artists that’s like, real sexy. “Pony” by Ginuwine playing while you clear out your desk. Marvin Gaye crooning “Let’s Get it On” while you try to figure out how to export your email contacts to your personal Gmail from your work Gmail but you can’t, because they revoked your access to your work Gmail right when you went in to the meeting where you got fired, and now you have to ask the managing editor to turn your email back on so you can reach out to those sources you were in touch with for a feature that your boss tried to get you to publish the day before you got fired even though it wasn’t ready so they could wring one last bit of content from your already desiccated husk. Just all of that happening with a full-on boner-jam show happening in the background.
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Worst Band to See at Work After All Your Friends Get Fired

One-third of Run-DMC is pretty bad, I gotta say. It’s some pretty corporate hell shit to get a classic old-school rap icon to come in and perform “It’s Tricky” to cheer up your employees after you canned a bunch of them. The problem here is that whenever something like this happens, everyone has survivor’s guilt, but also probably feels like they have to suffer through the concert because they’re afraid of also losing their jobs, so you’re kinda trapped. Here’s my list for that:

  • Phish

Sound off the comments below, I’m open to suggestions here! Never hurts to have these opinions out the open in case your boss (or my boss) is reading this.

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About the author

Jack Crosbie

Contributing Writer, Splinter