This guy did it.
Photo: AP

The smart money agrees: a recession is inevitable, quite possibly in the next year or two. We can’t blame Donald Trump for this recession—that would be absurd! So who can Donald Trump blame?

Some may say that Donald Trump is a lucky moron who inherited a steady decade-long economic recovery and incredibly low unemployment and managed to fuck it up by adding a foolish trillion-dollar tax cut for the rich to the debt, starting an ill-advised trade war, slashing basic financial regulations, and running the US government in an obviously corrupt manner. But of course they would be wrong, because Donald Trump is right, and you’re wrong. What scapegoats might really be behind our looming fate?

  • The Fed: Everything was fine until interest rates went up!
  • The Democrats: Everything was fine until they took over Congress!
  • China: Everything was fine until they chose to participate in the trade war that we started!
  • Poor people: Everything was fine until our entitlement spending ran out of control!
  • Immigrants: Everything was fine until the caravan spread diseases that damaged the fitness of our work force!
  • Robert Mueller: Everything was fine until the witch hunt!
  • Wall Street: Everything was fine until these peers of mine went too far!
  • Members of Trump’s own cabinet: Everything was fine until I took the advice of Mnuchin/ Cohn/ Ross/ Mulvaney/ Kelly! I’m actually glad they’re gone!
  • You, the American people: Everything was fine until you got too greedy with your demands for food, clothing, and shelter!
  • Donald, Jr.: Never shuts up!!!!

This list will expand as necessary.