On Sunday morning, people across America woke up feeling unusually sleepy. Bewildered and groggy, they turned to their loved ones or some other trusted source and cast about for some explanation for this state of affairs. The mystery was soon solved: they'd lost an hour of sleep thanks to Daylight Saving Time, which came into effect overnight.
Yes, it's that time of year: the time when we wonder why in the world Daylight Saving Time still exists.
By this point in our societal history, the complete uselessness of Daylight Saving Time is a well-known fact. Science people say so—they even say that it can be bad for your health! The farmers who everyone thinks are the reason we have daylight saving also say so. There's scant evidence that it saves energy. Even John Oliver, America's foremost explainer of things, hates it.
Who does like daylight saving? Corporations and people wanting you to buy stuff. Huzzah! So, to sum up: Daylight Saving Time is stupid and pointless and a boondoggle and needs to end now but probably won't because of injustice. Now if you'll excuse us, we need some caffeine—we didn't get enough sleep.